On Feeling Drained

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the types of post I want to be putting up on here. I really want to strike the balance between sharing some of my own personal experiences but also not blurting out all the details of my personal life online.

But I feel like sharing a bit of background would give some relevant context to a lot of my planned posts.

About five years ago I took voluntary redundancy from my job in financial services marketing. I’d been at that company nearly seven years and although I’d worked my way up the ranks somewhat, it was the kind of company where if you wanted to make significant progress then you needed to live and breathe the company culture and that would mean long hours and socialising with colleagues in my precious free time which was a deal breaker for me. I was able to take a generous redundancy package and my plan was to either find a job or go freelance doing digital/social media marketing as that was (and still is) something I’m completely fascinated by.

At pretty much the same time, my husband and his business partner were setting up their music management company. I happened to be in the right place at the right time (for them) and I was able to step in and help them get things off the ground. I did everything from booking flights and accommodation for touring DJs to setting up spreadsheets (no one had ever even used auto sum in Excel before) to recruiting staff and as time went on I became heavily involved in the overall business strategy.

I’m so proud of everything that has been built and after five gruelling years, things are really starting to pay off now. My husband continues to work almost 24/7 as it’s the type of business where he talks and does meetings all day, responds to emails all evening and is needed to travel to events and shows very often at weekends. It’s his baby and his passion and also our future.

So our life is far from “standard”. And that’s not a complaint but it is tough being the one at home looking after the children whilst my husband is working or travelling. Not being able to share the domestic load, not because my husband is lazy but because he works 80+ hours a week and I barely see him. Add in a teething 11 month old, relentless broken sleep, pre-6am wake-ups, an energetic threenager to entertain and you’ll start to see that I’m barely running on fumes right now.

Furthermore, after two maternity leaves where my role was more than adequately covered by our now growing team, I’m wistful for the digital marketing/social media career that never was.

So after five years out of the marketing game I’ve enrolled on a professional course to update my skills and get back out there because as much as I am both emotionally and intellectually invested in my husband’s business, I was only ever there to help out and I’m craving a new challenge that is built on my own passion.

But even with a plan in place now, I’m still feeling completely drained and overwhelmed because my new chapter is so close I can almost touch it and yet for the most part I’m too knackered and sleep deprived to make any of my ideas come to life. I have such precious little time on top of family life and work to put into my own projects. But I’m grafting, I really am. I’m writing this post with a sleeping child half in my lap because I was too weary to argue him into his actual bed and I knew he was so tired he’d just drop off next to me if I got my laptop out and started typing. I was right of course, he lasted about 5 minutes.

 

 

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