Today I will start the blog, today I will start the blog, today I will start the blog….
I bought this domain when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I was just about to start maternity leave. I had grand ideas of embarking on this wondrous journey of motherhood and documenting the whole experience with the oodles of free time that I’d now have.
My son Edward is now 20 weeks old. Motherhood didn’t start the way I thought it would and the last 20 weeks have been so much harder than I ever thought it possible to be. I don’t think I even looked at my laptop for the first two months let alone had the brain power (or free time) to open it and write anything.
So many aspects of motherhood have not been how I envisaged them. In fact I’d go as far as to say not one single aspect is how I thought it would be. I’d heard people in the the past say how utterly gruelling having a newborn was but I could never really get my around it – I mean how hard could it really be? I so naively wondered.
Well here I am sitting in two day old clothes, I can’t remember when I last washed my hair. I’ve had toast for dinner 3 days in a row. Last night was a “good” night and I barely managed 6 broken hours’ sleep. Edward is down for a nap. He will sleep for precisely 35 minutes, no more no less. And this is almost five months in, now I feel I’m getting into the swing of things!
What makes today any different from any other day? Nothing especially but five months into maternity leave I’m starting to think about going back to work at the end of the summer and other than keeping a small human alive for 20 weeks, I’m wondering what I’ve really achieved apart from watching a lot of daytime TV and eating a lot of chocolate digestives?
I had a long list of things I’d do when I was “off work”. Five months later and I haven’t done a single one of them. I’ve not backed up my laptop, catalogued my photos, set up the baby room or even remotely started thinking about the surplus two stone in weight I’m carrying. Soon will come the hustle and bustle of getting out of the house on time in the morning, answering emails and phone calls, excel spreadsheets and office banter. On top of keeping a small non-sleeping human alive.
There was never going to be a good day to start. He’s started sleeping longer stretches at night so I am marginally less demented with sleep deprivation, but he’s grumpy with teething in the day so I’m even more knackered constantly picking him up and putting him down to entertain him. Maybe it was that I’d just caught myself watching Lawn Bowls on TV and thought enough’s enough of being completely brain dead?
The first post was always going to be the hardest.
My 35 minute window has come to an end. He is awake and off we go again.
Be warned, there is every chance you will have to wait 20 more weeks until I get around to typing anything again.